Gen Z Dating and RelationsHIPS

Control robs you of connection

Think about the last time someone told you to do something for them that meant you had to leave behind part of yourself. In other words, they wanted you to act according to their expectations at the expense of your well being. This could be not going to see your friends so that they would feel better. It feels as though what your doing isn’t cutting it for them because if you refuse to conform to their expectations, you and the relationship will go down the drain. In order to stay safe, you don’t bring up certain topics or words that upset them. The list goes on. When you allow someone to treat you this way, it works only at the expense of yourself and your own freedom to be you. No one should have to go through this, in any relationship. Don’t get me wrong, those first moments in a relationship can be especially blinding. We are enamored by this new person in our life and it almost feels like we would do anything for them. It is completely normal to sacrifice going to your favorite Chinese place one night and going to their favorite Italian place. Obviously, you will be spending more time with them and your routine will become different than before. But it isn’t normal to not see your friends because they get upset about it. Know this: control robs you of connection, pulling you away from the person you’re with and creating a foundation of resentment. They have the reins, you don't. That’s why so often it can feel like you don’t want to bring up certain topics or events you want to go to for instance. Bringing up your friends and how you’re excited to see them feels like a bad idea. Saying things that are on your mind feels like a bad idea. It feels like you’re in it to survive. I’m here to tell you this isn’t your person. If it were to be, you would not be afraid to be yourself. In fact, they would make you feel like your best self. There is no way to connect and be intimate with someone who doesn't like when you hold the reins too.


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