Updated: Jun 16
Recently getting out of my first long-term relationship, approaching the dating scene and social world felt like something so unlike what I was used to. It was an unordinary feeling (at least for the first month or two). I waited four months to start dating again and it began to feel like it was finally the right time to bring my single person self into remission. Adjusting to this scene, just like anything else we become accustomed to, took effort. My friends became surrounded by other people, and I just couldn't become immersed enough in the conversation. To this day, there are moments where I feel like I’m still on the wrong side of the room. However, now I know how to take action in these moments.
How do we leave that corner of the room?
There are moments when we may be engaging in a self fulfilling prophecy, seeing our friends be engulfed by a swarm of people can intimidate us and make us think we can’t be a part of it. But we can be. In other words, we may expect that going over to the table or group will not be beneficial, that no one will start a conversation. We are forming a prior expectation that can affect us unknowingly and keep us on the other side of the room or to not be responded to when we do join in (we act in accordance with our expectations). But to lead myself into this swarm of people (overwhelming right) expectation-less, I come armed with questions. Pretend your interviewing them. Remember: there is no bad question. Most of the time, people at bars or loud restaurants are clueless to anyone or anything that is more than a couple feet away from them. This is the result of people speaking to those that are closest to them distance wise. The brain wants easy, in other words, it can only process so much - especially with the addition of alcohol (lol). So ask your questions, and if they don’t want to answer them then move onto another fellow swarm member who will. There is nothing to lose when you go up to someone new and start a conversation. We need to meet just as many people we don’t click with to meet those who do. It is interesting that in these moments I have become redirected to people who end up being either my friend or who get my number and want to go on a first date. But again, I wouldn’t call myself a social butterfly. This takes consistent effort for me.
We are all capable of asking questions, and if so, we too can join that crowd. Simply asking someone what they do for fun can take the conversation to a whole new dimension.
Self-fulfilling prophecy: what you expect may be what you get